- How recently did you hear or say
"You didn't do that correctly"
or, "That's not what I meant?"
Did you find out later that it was possibly you
that hadn't been clear enough in what you asked for,
or you were distracted
and didn't listen carefully,
resulting in a misunderstanding,
or there was an unnecessary misinterpretation
about a delicate matter?
It happens all the time,
whatever type of communication you rely on.
For example, email is a clumsy medium.
We rush out quick notes,
and when we receive them,
we don't check what someone really meant.
Video or in-person meetings provide the most information,
giving visual texture and nuance to exchanges.
But that isn't always possible,
and you still have to pay attention.
We need to be purposeful about how we set up,
engage in and conclude interactions
to improve communications,
especially working across multiple locations.
Say you need to address an issue with a colleague,
and you know you have different perspectives.
To start with,
reestablish a connection
to help them feel comfortable with you,
which puts you both on the same side of the table.
Show personal interest.
"How is your dog doing now?"
Remind them about common ground and shared interest.
"Did you watch the new episode last night?"
Then, as you begin the important discussion,
create a foundation of trust and respect
by listening carefully, leaning forward towards them,
and giving them verbal or nonverbal affirmation:
a nod, or "uh-huh,"
as well as asking thoughtful,
open questions about their position.
"Could you please explain that aspect further?"
You show you value what they have to say
and encourage them to reply in kind.
Since we each bring our own context,
especially when working through different opinions,
it is critical to check what your colleague really meant.
Therefore, restate the other person's perspective.
"Did I understand you correctly?
"You said," which shows you were listening
and are trying hard to comprehend their point of view.
You are also equipped to give a relevant response
and prompt the same confirmation
to ensure that you were understood.
Whether you agree or not,
it is critical to validate the other person's position,
saying "Got it"
or "I understand your perspective."
Just as you may feel put out
if ever your boss doesn't acknowledge what you said,
people really want to feel heard.
In framing your position,
match your approach and words with your audience,
avoiding technical or other jargon or abbreviations
if someone is not familiar with them.
The onus is on you to be understood.
Then, before you approach the tough stuff,
emphasize areas of agreement and adjacent matters,
where you are more aligned,
to increase your combined willingness
to find consensus on any outstanding
isolated points of difference.
The more you can give people the opportunity
to express themselves comfortably,
feel valued and heard,
while confirming your interpretation,
being careful about how you share your thoughts
and reemphasizing positive elements,
the more constructive every interaction will be.